..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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