you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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