I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
