I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
