the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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