can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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