just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It was confusing and full of hummus
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
