Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
