is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
farters have to be the big spoon...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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