ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Randomize
