So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
