omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
she woke up with a sticky ear
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
