I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
