I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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