i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
