I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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