I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
