I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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