I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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