he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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