when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
