Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
