I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
