He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
