I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
