I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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