I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
