Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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