Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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