the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
