im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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