I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
