is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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