guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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