so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
