I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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