You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
