Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
