Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
