haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
