I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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