I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
