OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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