he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize