Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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