This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
