We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
