I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
