I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
