can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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