I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
