Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
