My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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