my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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