he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
