insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
